The Farter of His Country

On George Washington’s Birthday, it occurred to me that the father of our country has received every possible accolade except an Oscar. It must annoy Washington’s most ardent fans to think that Lincoln is about to get one first. Before the founder? Unthinkable!

But at least Washington’s profile is on the still-worth-having quarter and his pained face is on the not-yet-completly-devalued one dollar bill, while Lincoln is the one stuck riding the doomed penny into oblivion.

Still, it’s hard to imagine what sort of salute a single person can offer when so very few honors remain unbestowed. Unless it’s that most American of tributes – a disrespectful limerick. Or three.

Washington

I
George’s obelisk anchors our mall
In the town, nothing else is as tall.
Not a king or a God
it’s a vertical nod
to a guy who made cherry trees fall.

II
Our first President, patriot, scholar.
had a hairdo that reached to his collar.
All his powder was white
He wore curlers at night
And today that’s his ‘do on the dollar

III
George’s troops had no shoes and no pillows.
But they loved him like kids love marshmallows.
They were men without means,
But when he fed them beans,
He was first in the farts of his fellows.

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