Fail Mellow, Hell Wet

We’re still a few months away from the Walleye opener, but the ice fishing houses have come off the lakes (if they ever went on) and we’re in a strange lull between water surface activities. It’s possible that Congressman Loomis Beechly has been finishing a few of the leftover six packs that came off the ice with all that lightly used gear. I don’t know how else to explain the loopy tone of his latest missive to residents of the 9th District.

Greetings, Constituents!

Today is Super Tuesday! At least that’s what they tell me. I wouldn’t know – I like to say every day is super, but that’s because voters feel good about optimists and I feel good about votes! But I also really believe that every day IS super, which is convenient. In politics, things don’t always work out so neatly.

The experts say the results from today will help determine who is going to run for President this year in the Republican Party. Maybe it won’t be decisive moment, but it will be the kind of moment that has something to look at and talk about, and one that involves interesting characters and some suspense. What more do we want, really?

I might have over stated it when I said the characters are interesting. Of course I believe anyone willing to make a serious run for President of the United States is not a normal person. The job’s self-regard requirement goes far beyond the reach of average folks. Even narcissists know they are unqualified, because it isn’t nearly enough to be enthralled with yourself. You have to believe everybody else can find a way to love you too! Some would call that optimism, but I think it’s delusional thinking.

And voters share in the delusion. We want our supreme leaders to be approachable and “down to earth”. We want them to remember us, to be our buddies, to be the sort of person it would be fun “to have a beer with“. Or in the case of non-alcohol imbibing Mitt Romney, the sort of person you would like to have watch you from across the table while you enjoy a beer and he has a Diet Vanilla Coke.

But who has that kind of broad appeal? Heck, I’m not even the kind of person I’d like to have a beer with, most days. The only one who comes to mind when I think of the beer test is the actor George Clooney. He seems really likeable in that comfortable way that is best described by the phrase “Hail Fellow Well Met“, which is something I don’t really know the meaning of, but you get the idea.

Of course George isn’t running, but if he was I’d support him. It almost doesn’t matter what he says. He’s got that average guy thing going for him, even though he’s far above average in just about every category. I think if you added up the beer appeal of all the candidates in both parties you wouldn’t even get to a full Clooney on the Mail Wallow scale. Or Hail Fellow shale, I mean. Or scale.

But you get my drift. Politics is a funny business.

Anyway, this is probably something that we should definitely NOT send out, OK Marjorie? Just transcribe it and I’ll take a look at it in the morning. If I even remember dictating it, which I’m not even sure now that I did, or do.

Good night!

Your Congressman,

Loomis Beechly.

Hmm. Seems like someone was not paying full attention to a complicated task, but was just following procedure without really reading or understanding the text.

Name an elaborate chore you regularly perform without thinking.

45 thoughts on “Fail Mellow, Hell Wet”

  1. hail to the chief, chief what is another question. obama came in with good interntions but found out in a hurry that the number one mission of others can be to make you moot. if i were mitt moot would be a concern. i think the dem mantra can be mitts moot. nice ring to it eh?
    what do i do without thinking about it? just about everything. i used to think a lot and it bothered me. the things i would think about would get addressed and readdressed until it was a bucket of mush and not worth thinking about any further. evne when you are clear what to do with clarity is a question that feels self defeating.
    i find the best process for me is just to spit it out and wait to see if it is worthwhile. it usually is nothing world shaking or inspiring. it is usually more stuff not to think too much about and so it goes… super tuesday. hip hip ho hum. nwet wins in georgia, ron paul doesnt, mitt and rick duking it out, when was the last time we had the choices of obama mitt and rick to make the leader of the free world. sounds like a kurt vonnegut storyline, good hair, good hair and look what happened to poor obamas hair, how much would you charge to take on a mission that burned you out completely in the first go round? leaves you enough to take a second run at it but then what. clinton looks better today than he did 12 years ago when he finished his being flogged at the mast for his eight year bashin. what was he thinking? oh yeah maybe he wasn’t.


      1. Yes, be careful Steve. Don’t use any potty language that rhymes with Mitt. We might have to send someone over to your house to eash your mouth out with soap.


    1. Love “hip hip ho hum.” Is that a new timism or is it one of those phrases that is au courant and I’m just a few beats behind again?


  2. Good morning to all. I guess typing on my computer is something I try to do without thinking and that is how I get all those typos. I should be able to type without thinking by now since I will have 50 years of doing it before long. I had a typing class in high school and should know the key board by now, but every once in a while I have search to find a letter that I usually hit automaticly.


  3. Most of my needlework is pretty complex, which I find out when I start something new, but once I have been at it for awhile, it becomes almost better to do without thinking about it.

    I can’t remember what the actual news story was about, but the point was made that in order for people to do a complex set of motions really well, it almost has to get to the point where they don’t (and shouldn’t) think about it. The example given was that if you really want to mess up a good golfer’s swing, ask them how they do it.

    My neighbor can make an apple pie “in her sleep”-that is a skill I would like to develop. Ditto thoughtless killer brownies.


    1. 1. We don’t know what we don’t know.
      2. We know what we don’t know.
      3. We know what we know.
      4. We don’t know what we know.


  4. I spent some time as a line worker at Hormel Foods and learned to work fast without too much thinking. For almost all of the jobs I had there I could crank up my speed to get the job done. Some times the other workers would give me helpful suggestions on how to work faster. Mostly I just had to learn what had to be done and then do it at my top speed.

    I am usually not a fast worker. I was a little suprised to find out I could work very quickly if that was needed. When you do the same thing day after day it isn’t too hard to learn to do it fast even if it isn’t much fun. I had some trouble with a couple of jobs that required certain kinds of manipulations that were hard for me to do quickly.


  5. Making cornbread, doing the dishes,driving sometimes… it’s really pretty amazing how many things can be done on autopilot. But folkdancing is the one that amazes me. If I’ve been doing a dance for long enough, the music comes on and the feet start tappin’. You can talk to the next person in line during the easier ones, and the hard ones – it’s still best if you get your thinking out of the way and let the brain take over. The dances get “in the nerve endings.”


    1. OT, BiR: I tried, twice, to answer you last night about the seed bombs (couldn’t get anything to post), so I’ll try again. What I meant about the size of the seeds was just not to go too big (beans for example). Most flower seeds should work just fine. I think I may make a batch of sunflower seed bombs… something that, once they’re established, will reseed year after year. I tried passing on a great website you might enjoy (which may be why I couldn’t post)… so I’ll just say, if you type in “guerrillagardening” followed by .org you can learn more about it and see what others have done on their “digs”. Enjoy!


    2. Similarly to BiR’s dancing NOT being a chore but being complicated, playing a musical instrument and even singing are (can be) done without a lot of thinking. I started to take recorder lessons when I was 35 and was startled when, after a while, I realized that the musical notes on the page were going directly from my eyes to my fingers without involvement of the thought process.
      Harmonizing to any music I hear doesn’t involve thinking, either. It takes thinking NOT to do it.


        1. Yes, I sing in my church choir and attend as many Community Sings as I can. I’ve been in choirs since I was in 3rd grade. Our choir director decided that one of the other girls and I would be altos because we were the ones who could hold our part against the rest of the girls singing soprano. I’ve been singing and hearing alto parts for so long that it’s beyond second nature.
          Are you in a chorus/choir?


      1. Yes, a community chorus that meets at Prospect Park United Methodist, over by the Witches Tower. Gotta go, practice tonight.


  6. Bike riding and driving. I had never given either of these much thought until I had to teach the offspring. There are many things that you have to keep in mind: balance, eyes ahead, slow down at corners. It wasn’t until I saw her trying to learn both these things that I realized how complicated they really are. And I hate to admit how many times I’m driving along and suddenly realize that I don’t really remember the last mile or turn because I’m not focusing on the driving!


    1. Do it all the time on bike and car. I used to arrive at work on my bike and wonder if I got there safely.
      Now I head off to somewhere out of the norm with a regular along the route . . . and I go to the regular stop.
      Guess where I am spending the day, after I do my first outdoor ride of the year.


  7. Time was I would put “dutchmanning a set” on that list – a chore not unlike taping drywall only you use muslin and wheat paste. Haven’t had to dutchman a set in years. Probably could still do it in my sleep (which is handy since it seems like I wound up doing it a lot in the wee hours after the cast was done rehearsing on stage). Also from the set construction skill set: easing a screw in (our out) when the head is stripped, muscling a warped board into place with my shoulder or knees, knowing how much of a color to add the bucket of paint to get the hue i want…


  8. OT-Lou and Peter Berryman are playing a free concert in Austin at the end of March It is for the benefit of the library. It seems like some baboons need to go simply to learn how a free concert will benefit the library. Perhaps at the same time the answer will be revealed as to why Lou and Peter are painting the living room.


  9. OT I’m still hoping to host a gathering of Baboons in Downton Abbey withdrawal, although no topic of conversation will be outlawed if you come.

    Time: Saturday evening, March 10, from 7 PM until it sputters to an end

    Place: my place, 2168 Juliet Ave, conveniently located in Mac-Groveland just off Cretin Ave

    Eats: I’ll buy something edible. Guests are invited to bring something to add to the fun. Alcohol is BYOB.

    Is there any interest? Let me know. mnstorytelr (at)


  10. I imagine that any politician speaking to a crowd has such an adrenaline rush that he/she honestly feels like the center of the Universe. This, of course, is the very definition of narcissism, a stage of childhood development from which some never emerge. Swaggering Venture; Gasbag Rush; the Donald; Newt nearly imploding under the weight of his own grandiosity; etc. Then there’s Salad Shooter Sarah and Maniacal Michelle and the Sons of Mitches. As a daily poster on the Strib boards, this kind of name-calling comes in handy in the face of raging Obama-haters even though I’m well aware that this lowering of my own standards doesn’t change a single mind. My most public display of belief in our president is my license plates (purchased during the 2008 campaign). They read: GOBAMA. Oddly, not everyone gets this, though. I had one girlfriend look at them and ask, “What’s ‘go bumma’??”


  11. I am pretty automatic in the pie crust department, and I have my French Bread recipe memorized so I can get it going really fast. Sewing was pretty automatic several decades ago when I sewed most of my own clothes.


  12. Gorgeous afternoon to you all–

    Cutting grass, plowing fields, mowing hay… all of these are just ’round and round’ with minor exceptions of badger holes, gopher mounds or those pesky moral mushrooms….


    1. Never done morel hunting but would like to give it a go this year can you give me a heads up when if you see em so I’ll have timing about right
      Played any banjo lately?


  13. Banjo, yeah, I’ve got a chord app for the phone so can tune it easy and i do some picking every now and again. I’m not ready for the Grand ole Opera or anything, but, yeah, I’m playing some.


    1. Being more awake this morning I have to chuckle at myself and the ‘Grand Ole OPERA’… The fat lady sings in her hat of horns with the price tag still dangling off it. With the Heavenly Father on banjo…


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